Portuguese Politeness: “Please”, “Sorry”, and “Excuse Me”

Introduction

Mastering polite expressions is essential for anyone learning Portuguese. Words like por favor (please), desculpe (sorry), and com licença (excuse me) are the foundation of respectful communication in Portuguese-speaking cultures. This guide explores these crucial phrases, their variations, and proper usage contexts to help you navigate social interactions with confidence and cultural awareness.

Understanding Portuguese Politeness Culture

The Importance of Courtesy in Portuguese-Speaking Countries

Portuguese-speaking cultures place tremendous value on courtesy and respectful communication. Whether you’re in Brazil, Portugal, or other lusophone countries, using polite expressions correctly demonstrates cultural awareness and earns you respect from native speakers. These phrases serve as social lubricants that make daily interactions smoother and more pleasant.

Unlike some languages where politeness might be optional in casual settings, Portuguese speakers generally expect courteous language regardless of the formality level. Failing to use por favor when making requests or forgetting to say desculpe when appropriate can come across as rude or abrupt, even among friends and family.

Regional Variations Between Brazil and Portugal

While the core politeness expressions remain similar across Portuguese-speaking regions, there are notable differences in usage patterns and preferences. Brazilian Portuguese tends to be slightly more informal and expressive, while European Portuguese often maintains more formality in professional and public settings. Understanding these nuances helps you communicate more effectively depending on your location or conversation partner.

Por Favor: The Essential Please

Basic Usage and Placement

The phrase por favor literally translates to by favor or as a favor, but functions exactly like the English word please. This expression is your go-to tool for making any request sound polite rather than demanding. You can place por favor at the beginning, middle, or end of a sentence, though the most common position is at the end.

Consider these examples:
Você pode me ajudar, por favor? (Can you help me, please?)
Por favor, passe o sal. (Please, pass the salt.)
Eu gostaria de um café, por favor. (I would like a coffee, please.)

Notice how por favor softens each request, transforming what could sound like a command into a polite inquiry. Native speakers use this phrase constantly in daily life, from ordering at restaurants to asking for directions on the street.

Formal and Informal Contexts

The beauty of por favor lies in its versatility. Unlike some languages that require different politeness levels based on social hierarchy, this single phrase works in virtually every situation. You can use it with your best friend, your boss, a stranger, or an elderly person without any modifications.

However, the frequency and emphasis may vary. In more formal settings, such as business meetings or when addressing elders, native speakers might use por favor more frequently and with greater deliberateness. In casual conversations among friends, it might appear less often but remains important for requests.

Common Expressions with Por Favor

Several fixed expressions incorporate por favor that you’ll hear regularly:

Se faz favor (European Portuguese variant, literally if you make a favor)
Faz favor (shortened informal version used in Portugal)
Por favor, me desculpe (Please, excuse me)
Por gentileza (alternative meaning by kindness, used similarly to por favor)

In Portugal, you’ll frequently hear faz favor or se faz favor instead of por favor, particularly in shops and restaurants. In Brazil, por favor remains the dominant form, though por gentileza appears in more formal written communications and announcements.

Desculpe and Perdão: Saying Sorry

Desculpe: The Standard Apology

When you need to apologize in Portuguese, desculpe is your primary option. This verb form comes from desculpar, meaning to excuse or forgive. It’s appropriate for most everyday situations where you’ve made a minor mistake or need to express regret.

Examples in context:
Desculpe o atraso. (Sorry for being late.)
Desculpe, eu não entendi. (Sorry, I didn’t understand.)
Desculpe incomodar. (Sorry to bother you.)

The verb can be conjugated to match different subjects and formality levels. Desculpa is the informal singular form you’d use with friends and family, while desculpe is the formal or polite form used with strangers, superiors, or in professional contexts.

Perdão: The Deeper Apology

For more serious situations requiring a heartfelt apology, Portuguese speakers use perdão, which means pardon or forgiveness. This word carries more emotional weight than desculpe and indicates genuine remorse for a significant mistake or wrongdoing.

Use perdão when:
You’ve caused someone real harm or inconvenience
You need to interrupt something important
You want to emphasize sincere regret
The situation demands a more formal acknowledgment of fault

Native speakers might say peço perdão (I ask forgiveness) for an even more formal and serious apology. This phrase appears in professional settings, legal contexts, or situations involving significant errors.

Me Desculpe and Other Variations

Adding the reflexive pronoun creates me desculpe or me desculpa, which translates more literally to forgive me or excuse me. This variant feels slightly more personal and direct than the simple desculpe.

You’ll also encounter:
Desculpe-me (formal, with pronoun attached)
Mil desculpas (a thousand apologies)
Desculpa aí (informal Brazilian expression, roughly sorry about that)
Minhas desculpas (my apologies)

Each variation carries subtle differences in formality and intensity, giving you options to match your apology to the situation’s seriousness and social context.

Com Licença: Excuse Me for Movement and Interruption

Physical Movement and Navigation

The phrase com licença literally means with permission and serves as the standard way to say excuse me when you need to pass by someone or move through a crowded space. This expression is arguably the most frequently used politeness phrase in daily Portuguese life.

Common scenarios for com licença:
Squeezing past people on public transportation
Walking between people having a conversation
Reaching for something near another person
Entering or leaving a crowded elevator
Moving through a busy sidewalk or market

Simply saying com licença as you move past people is expected behavior. Most native speakers will automatically respond by moving aside or saying pois não (go ahead) or simply licença in acknowledgment.

Interrupting Conversations and Getting Attention

Beyond physical movement, com licença also functions as a polite way to interrupt a conversation or get someone’s attention. This usage is especially important in Portuguese culture, where interrupting without acknowledging the intrusion is considered quite rude.

Examples of interrupting politely:
Com licença, posso fazer uma pergunta? (Excuse me, may I ask a question?)
Com licença, vocês sabem que horas são? (Excuse me, do you know what time it is?)
Com licença, preciso sair mais cedo hoje. (Excuse me, I need to leave early today.)

When approaching strangers for help or information, starting with com licença demonstrates respect and makes people more willing to assist you. It signals that you recognize you’re intruding on their time or space.

Brazilian versus Portuguese Usage

While com licença is universal across Portuguese-speaking regions, Brazilians might also use the shortened licença in very casual situations. In Portugal, the full phrase com licença remains more standard, even in informal contexts.

Portuguese speakers in Portugal might occasionally use se faz favor where Brazilians would use com licença, particularly when requesting someone to move or make space. Understanding these regional preferences helps you sound more natural in different Portuguese-speaking environments.

Distinguishing Between Desculpe and Com Licença

When to Use Which Expression

A common challenge for learners is knowing whether to use desculpe or com licença. The key distinction lies in timing and purpose.

Use com licença when:
You need to interrupt or intrude BEFORE doing so
You’re asking for permission to pass or proceed
You need someone’s attention before making a request
You’re about to do something that requires acknowledgment

Use desculpe when:
You’re apologizing AFTER making a mistake
You’ve already inconvenienced someone
You need to express regret for something that happened
You’re acknowledging fault or error

Consider this scenario: You’re walking through a crowded bus and accidentally step on someone’s foot. You would say com licença BEFORE attempting to squeeze past people, but if you step on their foot despite your care, you would immediately say desculpe to apologize for the mishap.

Situations Where Both Could Work

Some situations allow for either expression, though native speakers have intuitive preferences based on subtle contextual factors. For instance, when interrupting a conversation, you could use either com licença to request permission to interrupt or desculpe to apologize for the interruption.

In practice, com licença sounds more appropriate when you plan to ask a question or need information, while desculpe works better when acknowledging that your interruption is unwelcome but necessary. Native speakers often combine them for maximum politeness: Com licença, desculpe incomodar (Excuse me, sorry to bother you).

Additional Politeness Expressions to Know

Obrigado and Obrigada: Thank You

No discussion of Portuguese politeness is complete without addressing obrigado (thank you). Men say obrigado and women say obrigada, as the word literally means obliged and must agree with the speaker’s gender.

This gendered thank you confuses many learners, but remembering that it describes the speaker (I am obliged) rather than the recipient makes it clearer. You’ll hear muito obrigado or muito obrigada (thank you very much) for greater emphasis.

De Nada: You’re Welcome

When someone thanks you, respond with de nada (literally of nothing, equivalent to you’re welcome). Other common responses include por nada, disponha, or in Brazilian Portuguese, magina (shortened from imagina, meaning imagine or don’t mention it).

Pois Não: A Uniquely Portuguese Politeness Marker

The expression pois não presents a fascinating paradox for learners. Despite literally meaning well, no, it actually means yes, of course or how can I help you? Service workers use this phrase constantly when acknowledging customers or offering assistance.

You’ll hear pois não in shops, restaurants, hotels, and any customer service setting. It’s the Portuguese equivalent of yes? or what can I do for you? Though confusing at first, this expression becomes natural with exposure.

Cultural Context and Social Expectations

Hierarchy and Respect in Portuguese Culture

Portuguese-speaking cultures generally maintain stronger hierarchical awareness than many English-speaking countries. Using polite language with elders, teachers, bosses, and authority figures isn’t just courteous—it’s expected and observed quite strictly.

Even young children learn to use por favor, desculpe, and com licença with adults from an early age. Teenagers and adults continue these patterns throughout life, particularly in Portugal where formality remains more pronounced than in Brazil.

The Role of Você versus Tu

Politeness in Portuguese extends beyond specific phrases to pronoun usage. The choice between você (you, formal) and tu (you, informal) varies significantly by region. In Brazil, você has become standard in most regions, used even among friends and family. In Portugal, tu is common among peers while você can actually sound somewhat distant or formal.

The verb conjugations change based on which pronoun you use, affecting how you phrase requests and apologies. When using desculpe, you’re using the você form; the tu form would be desculpa. Understanding this relationship helps you match your politeness level to the situation.

Service Industry Interactions

Portuguese-speaking countries expect courteous interaction in service settings. Always greet workers with bom dia (good morning), boa tarde (good afternoon), or boa noite (good evening) before making requests. Add por favor to your orders and thank people with obrigado/obrigada when receiving service.

These small courtesies make a significant difference in how you’re perceived and treated. Service workers notice and appreciate customers who demonstrate basic politeness, often providing better service in return.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Overusing or Underusing Politeness Markers

Some learners become so concerned with politeness that they add por favor to every single sentence, which can sound unnatural or even obsequious. Others, coming from more direct cultures, use these expressions too rarely and come across as rude.

The key is observing native speakers and matching their frequency. Use polite expressions for requests, interruptions, apologies, and thanks, but don’t force them into statements or simple conversations where they aren’t needed.

Wrong Expression for the Context

Using desculpe when you mean com licença (or vice versa) marks you as a learner but rarely causes serious miscommunication. However, developing the instinct for which expression fits which situation makes you sound more fluent and helps you navigate social situations smoothly.

Practice by mentally noting which expression native speakers use in various situations. Watch Portuguese-language media and pay attention to when characters use different politeness markers.

Forgetting Gender Agreement in Obrigado/Obrigada

While not directly related to por favor, desculpe, or com licença, many learners struggle with the gendered thank you. Remember that the word describes the speaker, not the recipient. If you’re male, always say obrigado regardless of who you’re thanking. If you’re female, always say obrigada.

Practical Exercises and Application

Role-Playing Common Scenarios

Practice makes perfect when learning politeness expressions. Try mentally rehearsing these common situations:

Ordering food at a restaurant
Asking for directions from a stranger
Apologizing for being late to a meeting
Squeezing past people on a crowded bus
Interrupting a conversation to ask a question
Thanking someone for their help

For each scenario, identify which politeness expressions you would use and at what points in the interaction. This mental practice prepares you for real-world situations.

Listening for Politeness Markers in Media

Portuguese-language films, television shows, and YouTube videos provide excellent examples of natural politeness expression usage. Pay special attention to service interactions, family conversations, and workplace scenes to hear how native speakers employ these phrases in context.

Notice the frequency, placement, and combinations of expressions. You’ll observe that native speakers often string multiple politeness markers together in formal situations: Com licença, por favor, você poderia me ajudar? (Excuse me, please, could you help me?)

Building Conversational Confidence

Start incorporating these expressions into your Portuguese practice from day one. Even in basic textbook exercises, add por favor to your requests and desculpe when appropriate. This builds the habit of polite speech so it becomes automatic rather than something you must consciously remember.

When you have opportunities to speak with native speakers, make deliberate use of these expressions. Most Portuguese speakers appreciate learners who demonstrate cultural awareness through proper politeness, and they’ll often be more patient and helpful in return.

Regional Variations and Dialects

Brazilian Portuguese Politeness

Brazilian Portuguese tends toward warmth and expressiveness in social interactions. While all the standard politeness expressions remain important, Brazilians might add diminutives or endearments that soften requests even further.

You’ll hear variations like desculpa aí (sorry about that), obrigadinho/obrigadinha (little thank you), or por favorzinho (little please). These aren’t necessary for learners to use, but recognizing them helps you understand native speech.

European Portuguese Formality

Portuguese from Portugal maintains more formal registers in professional and public settings. The expressions se faz favor and faz favor appear more frequently than in Brazil. Additionally, Portuguese speakers might use more elaborate constructions like tenha a bondade de (have the kindness to) or seja gentil (be kind) in formal written communication.

African and Asian Portuguese Variants

Portuguese-speaking countries in Africa (Angola, Mozambique, Cape Verde, Guinea-Bissau, São Tomé and Príncipe) and Asia (East Timor, Macau) maintain their own cultural approaches to politeness. While the core expressions remain the same, local languages and cultural norms influence usage patterns and frequency.

If you’re learning Portuguese for a specific region, try to find native speakers or media from that area to understand local politeness conventions.

Advanced Politeness: Going Beyond the Basics

Conditional and Subjunctive for Extra Courtesy

Once you’ve mastered basic politeness expressions, you can enhance your courtesy through verb mood choices. Using the conditional or subjunctive makes requests more polite and tentative.

Compare:
Você pode me ajudar? (Can you help me?)
Você poderia me ajudar? (Could you help me?)
Você poderia me ajudar, por favor? (Could you help me, please?)

The conditional poderia sounds more polite than the present tense pode, and adding por favor increases politeness further. Native speakers use these gradations intuitively based on the situation’s formality and their relationship with the person.

Indirect Requests and Questions

Instead of direct requests, advanced speakers often use indirect constructions that soften the imposition. Rather than saying Me dá um café (Give me a coffee), you might say Eu gostaria de um café, por favor (I would like a coffee, please) or Será que você poderia me trazer um café? (Would it be possible for you to bring me a coffee?)

These longer constructions show greater deference and acknowledge that you’re making a request rather than issuing a command.

Written Versus Spoken Politeness

Written Portuguese often requires more formal politeness markers than spoken language. Business emails, official letters, and professional communications use expressions like atenciosamente (attentively), respeitosamente (respectfully), or cordialmente (cordially) as closings.

When writing in Portuguese, err on the side of excessive formality rather than casualness, especially in professional contexts. You can always become less formal as relationships develop, but starting too casually can create negative impressions.

Conclusion

Mastering por favor, desculpe, and com licença forms the foundation of polite Portuguese communication. These expressions, along with proper thank yous and greetings, demonstrate cultural awareness and respect that Portuguese speakers deeply appreciate. By understanding when and how to use each phrase, recognizing regional variations, and practicing in realistic contexts, you’ll navigate Portuguese-speaking environments with confidence and courtesy that earns you respect and positive interactions wherever your language journey takes you.